Imagine that you wake up one morning and realise that by either magic, by alien intervention, or during a very intense stag/hen party, you have been transported to the UK! Everything around you seems foreign and strange … Would you be able to survive or would you disappear into the depths of the London Underground, never to be seen again? Take this quiz to see how British you really are …

Question 1: What would you do if you saw a 4kg wheel of Double Gloucester cheese coming down a hill at you at great speed?

a. Dive for cover. The Dutch are invading!
b. Open your mouth and hope for the best.
c. Run after it. You are in the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake and you get a prize if you can catch the cheese.

Question 2: What would you do if a new acquaintance suggested that you “paint the town red”?

a. You would go to a paint shop and equip yourself with paint, paintbrush and a cagoul. Tonight you are decorating with Banksy.
b. You would find your most glamorous clothes. Tonight, you are going to party!
c. You would barricade yourself in your house. Tonight, there will be a communist revolution!

Question 3. If someone offered you some Marmite, what would be the best way to eat it.

a. Spread delicately on some bread and butter with a boiled egg.
b. There is no good way to eat marmite. It’s the devil’s food.
c. You can eat it directly from the pot. It looks like Nutella so it must taste like Nutella!

Question 4. You are travelling on an escalator on the London Underground. How should you stand?

a. On the left.
b. On the right.
c. You should never stand in the London Underground. You should always keep moving or you will be trampled into the carpet.

Question 5. What should you do with an oyster on the London Underground?

a. Eat it with some lemon and a nice glass of Chablis.
b. Sit on it while you are waiting for the next train to arrive.
c. Charge it up. It’s your travel card!

Question 6. How should you eat a “Yorkshire pudding”?

a. With meat and potatoes.
b. With a cup of tea at 4pm.
c. With a dollop of ice-cream.

Question 7. Where would you see hens and stags feeding together?

a. In Hyde Park.
b. In Sherwood Forest
c. In any pub in the land before wedding season.

Question 8. What would you do if you found a ‘quid’ in the UK?

a. Start the engine and go for a ride in the forest.
b. Barbecue it with some olive oil and lemon.
c. Pick it up and put it in your pocket. You can buy a cup of tea with it later. It’s another word for a ‘pound’.

Question 9. What would you do if you heard a bell ring in the pub?

a. Grab the nearest extinguisher, shout FIIIIIIIRE and then push everyone outside to safety.
b. Quickly buy four pints of beer. It’s nearly the end of serving time.
c. Applaud loudly. Someone is about to stand up and tell an outrageous anecdote.

Question 10. Where in Britain would you see a historical Old Wreck.

a. In the Tate Museum.
b. In Portsmouth Docks where you can visit a Henry VIII’s favourite ship.
c. In Theresa May’s back garden.

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ANSWERS:

Question 1:
c. Run after it. You are in the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake and you get a prize if you can catch the cheese.

Question 2:
b. You would find your most glamorous clothes. Tonight, you are going to party!

Question 3.
a. Spread delicately on some bread and butter with a boiled egg.

Question 4.
b. On the right.

Question 5.
c. Charge it up. It’s your travel card!

Question 6.
a. With meat and potatoes.

Question 7.
c. In any pub in the land before wedding season.

Question 8. What would you do if you found a ‘quid’ in the UK?
c. Pick it up and put it in your pocket. You can buy a cup of tea with it later. It’s another word for a ‘pound’.

Question 9.
b. Quickly buy four pints of beer. It’s nearly the end of serving time.

Question 10.
b. In Portsmouth Docks where you can visit a Henry VIII’s favourite ship.